change is good...

it's time to make some changes in my life and they are going to be great! the first is me working on growing my relationship with God to make it even stronger. another is that i am getting a place to finally call my own...settle in in my own way...a change i am more than ready to make! i just got a hair cut, something new and exciting. there are other things that i plan on making as a change in my life, but those will come in a little more time!

momentum...

why is it that life can spin out of control so fast. i hate to admidt it but the last four years have been the worst four years of my walk with God. I can't believe how fast I let myself wonder away from Him. one slip and then it gains momentum so fast that you blink your eyes and realize how far you have drifted away...well that's all changing. i am getting back on track and i am more excited than ever...God has really been teaching me a lot...I think the biggest thing that has grabbed my attention is watching the birth of my lil niece. I have NEVER seen anything more amazing happen in my life than that, and i am in such awe over it that it is so freaking hard to explain. i do know that i will definately do it again.

restless...

i have this overwhelming sense of restlessness...i think it is coming from just little parts of everything in my life, but i still want to say that there is something specific it might be stemming from. i love my job, but i can't afford to stay there for financial reasons unless they can actually figure something out. i feel like i am going nowhere in my life right now...that i am stuck in this place that i can never get out of. then on top of this i have a fear....this fear is that something will happen to my little sister. she has been close to death 2 times and i just have this fear that she could die soon. it scares me to death. in church one day the pastor said that your biggest fears in life are the biggest areas where you don't trust God. I love God with all my heart, but i guess there are still areas i keep guarded. why is it so hard to give those things to him, and why is it such a struggle to give them up...i guess that i have this fear that God is going to hurt me, even though I KNOW he never would...i feel as though i am jumping from topic to topic tonight so i am just going to head to bed...and i guess i am taking this restlessness with me...