life is not what you expect...

I am to the point that I have so much going through my head that I just start crying! Every time you think you have a grip on something it slips away so uncontrollably!! I don't know what to even think anymore...so I try to block things from impacting me too hard but it never works. I get slapped back with something 10x more confusing. God...I need you to get me through these thin and thick times of confusion and direct my footsteps to where you want them to go. Help me to grow more in patience and in you!!! GUIDE ME!

Change is FAST!

It is AMAZING how fast things change...one day I am in college in Nashville and have two jobs...the next week I am at home no more school because I graduated, no more jobs because it floods, and no more college friends around because I now live in Clarksville again. It's crazy...plus my family has some major changes in it's course...me and my mom both graduated, my middle sister is getting married and will have a 5 year old stepson, and then my youngest sister is expecting her first child Lilli Elouisa in December...It's CRAZY! My life has sense then gotten a little more hectic because on August 11th I was at a funeral of a friends father, thinking how fast someone you love can be ripped away from you without notice! He was 43!!! My mom didn't know that I was there because I was running a lil late and I sat 3 rows behind her, at one point she went outside to talk on the phone and she came running in to get her purse...i knew something was wrong and the all I heard was "Staci" and "car"...my heart stopped right there. I jumped up to run after her but I had to jump over this guys lap to get out (I was wearing 3 in heels!) When I got outside, my mom saw me and told me what happened. My prego sister had been in a car accident, but I didn't find out how bad it was til later. She hydroplaned on this dangerous "s" curve on Dotsonville Road and ended up flipping her car 3x!!! She walked away with a couple of scratches and bruises...but that's it! At the ER, they monitored the heartbeat for 4 hours. The next day I took her to do her midterms in Nashville and she had some bad stomach cramps and still hadn't felt the baby, so they called me and told me to take her to the ER. The stomach cramps were more from the stress, strained muscles, and lack of water. Then, later that day I took her to her doctor's and he said that it will take about a week before she would be able to feel her again because her stomach muscles were strained...WHAT A RELIEF!!!! Life changes so fast!!

no motive...

I absolutely have no motive to do anything right now...what am i supposed to be doing in my life. I don't even know what to talk about...I know that I have a purpose in life, but right now, no matter how hard I try to find it, I don't know what the purpose for my life is. what is a girl to do?

guardian angel...

so my stepmother used to have this angel collection. when her and my dad got a divorce she said that she had to get rid of some of her things, and mentioned that she had to go through her collection. I remember when I was young I used to look at the angels in admiration...so I mentioned that I would like a couple of them. She sent me several and along with them she sent a note explaining the history of them...with this one she said that she sent this one to me because in someway it reminded her of me. when I read that in the note I started to cry. my reason is that it took us time to get used to eachother and to learn to love the others, and now we are closer than we ever used to be! this happened to be my favorite angel that she sent to me, and I placed it on my desk. every time I look at it i remember that she loves me, but I also remember that God loves me and He has brought me a long way...so in a way, this angel reminds me that he has an angel looking after me, my gaurdian angel, and when I see this angel, I can't help but thinking that this angel that reminds my stepmother of me, also reminds me that God loves me. so even though I am stuck in this place and I don't know what to do, I still have this peace that God will take care of me. I have come a long way from where I used to be with God leading the way...it is easier for me to let things go and not worry about them than it has ever been before!

stuck in place...

It's amazing how much life can change in such a short amount of time. One day I am working two jobs and I am a full-time student...one week later I lost my jobs to a flood in Nashville, I graduated college, and I moved away from all my friends in Nashville. Now I am learning how to cope with a slower place life away from all my friends. I have friends at home, but i still feel lost without all the close friends I have made over the last 4 years...

Now I am faced with some choices in life...what do I want to do? The scary thing is that I know what I want to do, but it is going to take some time and patience for it to take place... for now I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I know that I am going to work through Country Christmas at the Opryland Hotel to help them get back on their feet...and then maybe look for a job somewhere else...but at the same time I am thinking that it might be time for me to step out of my comfort zone. Possibly moving to another state...I will be praying about this really hard and do what I feel God is leading me to do...but for what I can see, I am stuck in a place I am struggling to get out of and I really need a fresh breath of air and can't...